2012 paradoxes??

I am so ready for this semester to start.

And at the same time, not ready to start the last year and a half before "the real world"

I want to change a lot of things and yet I want so much to stay the same.

But this time I'm going to do it.

And I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.

life is a very strange bird indeed

I can't believe it's been a year.

I miss you, Kt.

and I know it's a year too late, but I wish I could text you back, "I LOVE YOU TOO!"

oh hey what's up

Well it certainly has been forever since I blogged.

I've been crazy busy. But on this lovely fall Saturday, I am now procrastinating on certain homework I'd rather put off until tomorrow.

I've been writing a blog with three classmates for my news writing class. I actually am really enjoying it. I realized through this class I actually do not like writing newspaper-style stories. They're too long. No one wants to read them. I like writing feature and short stories more. When you blog, you get to have a voice. And if anyone doesn't like your voice, too bad! You're your own boss when you write a blog. Usually.

SO anyway I don't really have anything else to say right now.

Except check out the class blog and comment on it so I can get a good grade!

Food 411

OMG

Can we just talk about how INSANELY lucky I am for a minute???

I just returned last month from LONDON.
I am assistant directing a MAINSTAGE.
I am a full-fledged JOURNALISM major.
My first three journalism classes are on learning how to use PHOTOSHOP, INDESIGN, ILLUSTRATOR, MOVIE/AUDIO/ WEB software and NEWS WRITING with NEW MEDIA.
In the news writing class, our final project is to set up and maintain a BLOG about something that interests us.
I get to take DIRECTING and a special seminar on a Shakespeare play that DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST in written form this semester.
I get to learn how to use POWER TOOLS this semester.
I am an OFFICER in the Stratford Players.
I live in an apartment with three of the GREATEST girls I have ever met.
I am an UPPERCLASSMAN!


Never let me complain about anything ever again.

P.S. It's so good to be back! :) go dukesss

oh hey august

it's time for the jmu countdown to commence!!

11 days, 16 hours, 58 minutes and 16 seconds until i move in to my lovely apartment in south view with my gorgeous roomies michelle, emily and kate!! soooooooooo excited!!!!


michelle has been staying with me for the past week and a half because of her amazing internship at wolf trap that she got on the tail end of her internship at opera new jersey... so glad she is here until the end of the weekend! and that we will only have one week after she leaves until we are more permanent roomies! :)


ps. oh, and 19 days until school starts. whatever.

is it thursday yet?

I leave for London on Thursday evening!! I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to go-- and how LONG these past two weeks have seemed.

Follow my new blog for specific London news and adventures and pictures: http://acrossthatpond.blogspot.com.

Love,
Amanda

P.S. It is almost the anniversary of this blog existing!! And that means it's almost my 20th birthday!!

question(s).

Why does this always happen after a bad breakup?

I mean not that I'm really speaking from lots of experience... but I see it happen all the time to the girls around me and on tv and in movies.

Why do we WANT to be total sluts the minute our relationships don't work out?

Why do we NEED to be wanted?

Last night there was an "anything for money" party. You know, you get $5 and at the end of the night the person with the most wins and you get paid to do things and pay other people to do things.

All I can say is that at least I didn't try to pay anyone to kiss me, like some people. I have not yet sunk to desperation.

I hate that the douchebag was the last person to really kiss me, to hold me, to be intimate with me... so much that sometimes I think "I don't even care who might come into the picture."

I guess that's why it's called a rebound.

But I do. I do care. Why do I waste my time on this shit? Why do I try to imagine what guys I just met would be like on a date? Why do I have the brief second of thinking "what if something would work out with one of my friends?"

Actually I know why on that one-- they're safe. I know they wouldn't hurt me the way that douchebag did. Then when I'm not drunk, I'm like... I don't want to date any of them. Obviously.

I think I'm worried that he only tried to be in a relationship with me because he knew he wouldn't have real feelings for me. It's funny that my name means "worthy of love" in Latin. All the time I think, "What if I'm not?"

All my life, I've heard people tell me or other people that they love my personality, that I'm a "cool girl" and even that, "If only she weren't..." They can't even finish the sentence. But I know exactly what they mean.

I try SO HARD to change. I can't control it. And I'm tired of feeling like I have to change. I hate that I'm not good enough for anyone. Especially for myself.

Everyone says that when you stop thinking about it, someone will pop into your life.

Well, that already happened and I'm not ready to trust anyone that just pops in ever again. Even if they are a friend of a friend.

He makes me so sick.

I feel like I've been ruined.

I don't want this to define me.

Because it wasn't even that bad in the grand scheme of things.

Believe it or not, this is not the tragedy of my life.

But I don't know how to make it not.

P.S. my other ex is coming to JMU for theatre next year. ironic? yes. awkward? probably.