life is a very strange bird indeed

I can't believe it's been a year.

I miss you, Kt.

and I know it's a year too late, but I wish I could text you back, "I LOVE YOU TOO!"

oh hey what's up

Well it certainly has been forever since I blogged.

I've been crazy busy. But on this lovely fall Saturday, I am now procrastinating on certain homework I'd rather put off until tomorrow.

I've been writing a blog with three classmates for my news writing class. I actually am really enjoying it. I realized through this class I actually do not like writing newspaper-style stories. They're too long. No one wants to read them. I like writing feature and short stories more. When you blog, you get to have a voice. And if anyone doesn't like your voice, too bad! You're your own boss when you write a blog. Usually.

SO anyway I don't really have anything else to say right now.

Except check out the class blog and comment on it so I can get a good grade!

Food 411

OMG

Can we just talk about how INSANELY lucky I am for a minute???

I just returned last month from LONDON.
I am assistant directing a MAINSTAGE.
I am a full-fledged JOURNALISM major.
My first three journalism classes are on learning how to use PHOTOSHOP, INDESIGN, ILLUSTRATOR, MOVIE/AUDIO/ WEB software and NEWS WRITING with NEW MEDIA.
In the news writing class, our final project is to set up and maintain a BLOG about something that interests us.
I get to take DIRECTING and a special seminar on a Shakespeare play that DOESN'T ACTUALLY EXIST in written form this semester.
I get to learn how to use POWER TOOLS this semester.
I am an OFFICER in the Stratford Players.
I live in an apartment with three of the GREATEST girls I have ever met.
I am an UPPERCLASSMAN!


Never let me complain about anything ever again.

P.S. It's so good to be back! :) go dukesss

oh hey august

it's time for the jmu countdown to commence!!

11 days, 16 hours, 58 minutes and 16 seconds until i move in to my lovely apartment in south view with my gorgeous roomies michelle, emily and kate!! soooooooooo excited!!!!


michelle has been staying with me for the past week and a half because of her amazing internship at wolf trap that she got on the tail end of her internship at opera new jersey... so glad she is here until the end of the weekend! and that we will only have one week after she leaves until we are more permanent roomies! :)


ps. oh, and 19 days until school starts. whatever.

is it thursday yet?

I leave for London on Thursday evening!! I can't even begin to explain how excited I am to go-- and how LONG these past two weeks have seemed.

Follow my new blog for specific London news and adventures and pictures: http://acrossthatpond.blogspot.com.

Love,
Amanda

P.S. It is almost the anniversary of this blog existing!! And that means it's almost my 20th birthday!!

question(s).

Why does this always happen after a bad breakup?

I mean not that I'm really speaking from lots of experience... but I see it happen all the time to the girls around me and on tv and in movies.

Why do we WANT to be total sluts the minute our relationships don't work out?

Why do we NEED to be wanted?

Last night there was an "anything for money" party. You know, you get $5 and at the end of the night the person with the most wins and you get paid to do things and pay other people to do things.

All I can say is that at least I didn't try to pay anyone to kiss me, like some people. I have not yet sunk to desperation.

I hate that the douchebag was the last person to really kiss me, to hold me, to be intimate with me... so much that sometimes I think "I don't even care who might come into the picture."

I guess that's why it's called a rebound.

But I do. I do care. Why do I waste my time on this shit? Why do I try to imagine what guys I just met would be like on a date? Why do I have the brief second of thinking "what if something would work out with one of my friends?"

Actually I know why on that one-- they're safe. I know they wouldn't hurt me the way that douchebag did. Then when I'm not drunk, I'm like... I don't want to date any of them. Obviously.

I think I'm worried that he only tried to be in a relationship with me because he knew he wouldn't have real feelings for me. It's funny that my name means "worthy of love" in Latin. All the time I think, "What if I'm not?"

All my life, I've heard people tell me or other people that they love my personality, that I'm a "cool girl" and even that, "If only she weren't..." They can't even finish the sentence. But I know exactly what they mean.

I try SO HARD to change. I can't control it. And I'm tired of feeling like I have to change. I hate that I'm not good enough for anyone. Especially for myself.

Everyone says that when you stop thinking about it, someone will pop into your life.

Well, that already happened and I'm not ready to trust anyone that just pops in ever again. Even if they are a friend of a friend.

He makes me so sick.

I feel like I've been ruined.

I don't want this to define me.

Because it wasn't even that bad in the grand scheme of things.

Believe it or not, this is not the tragedy of my life.

But I don't know how to make it not.

P.S. my other ex is coming to JMU for theatre next year. ironic? yes. awkward? probably.

just sharing my brilliance

so i’m writing a philosophy paper and i had to come up with a thought experiment. My thought experiment contains the usage of an evil doctor. i really wanted to name that doctor after my professor, Jeff Goodman, as a joke. instead i decided to name him mr. badman.

i’m hilarious.

and obviously this decision was the most important part of the paper.

everything is RENT

Wow so my last post sounds so angsty and sad.... and then a week later I GET CAST IN RENT.

i should just shut up sometimes.


P.S. more to come about RENT laterrrs :D

to minor? or not to minor?

since i've been following fyeahthespianpeacock and fyeahperformingartspeacock on tumblr i've seen many bloggers ask them questions regarding theatre-- about getting into college, having a fallback, how to audition, how to memorize lines, how to become a better singer, etc.

and how different the answers are from what i would say sometimes.

i dont know about the backgrounds of both of these people except that thespian peacock is like 15... and so as i read her answers to everything i feel like an old lady who sees all of these dreams and doesnt have the heart to just say STOP YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT because i want them to have their dreams. but i know what its like on the other side after you get to college. at least, in my experience.

im weird.

this is kind of all stemming from a personal dilemma i've been struggling with. i'm almost reluctant to post it on here because it feels like i'm admitting i'm failing. which i'm not... i'm... reevaluating. but right now it feels like failing.

From the time i was 11 until i graduated high school, i had only not gotten into a show i tried out for once. i did every play in middle school, over the summer with the alliance theatre and then in high school. i literally had no idea what rejection was. and not only was i in these shows, i almost always had legit roles in them, especially senior year when i played jo in little women. in addition, i took every opportunity to be a part of tech theatre and did each role at least once except lighting and sound (which i did in my after school job as a technician for the county).

then i started auditioning for college. i did not get into a single college i auditioned for musical theatre. it was devastating. but i learned that out of all the schools that accepted me academically (and even some with scholarships) that i could attend jmu or vt and still participate in theatre. so off to jmu i went.

i met a bunch of other people in the same position... and we were all told that we could basically pursue the same degree as musical theatre concentrators and even audition again in the spring. i believe it can be done. but not by me. because no matter what i try to do, i can not get into these classes. and even if i do get into them... ive been advised it wont happen until senior year, when its too late to take anything else.

i tried to work as a tech on a bunch of shows my freshman year-- i was even the stage manager of my first show in college due to the first SM stepping down. but that took me out of auditioning for a semester. i did more tech and SMed another show in the fall, which took me out of that semester, too. i thought this would only affect my casting opportunities, but apparently it also disqualified me to take a course for which i had all the prerequisites. i loved tech in high school. but i think i loved it because at 2:05 i could put down my hammer and pick up my script. im not happy doing it without being in a show. i hate myself for it, but i actually feel jealous of the actors in my show. i literally cannot do it anymore. only for connor davis. (that was a joke. but actually.)

this year jmu did my favorite play, our town. the fact that it was my first callback was huge. the rejection was even worse than usual. my second callback was to a musical: bright lights, big city. the fact that i was called back was enough.

i used to think that since college is still school that the rejection would really come afterwards. i was wrong.

i cant get into anything. i feel like a failure.

i never thought that i would be happy if i wasnt doing theatre as my career. i wanted to prove to everyone that i could make it. i still feel like if i drop my theatre major to a minor, that everyone else will think im a failure and that im admitting defeat. images of my theatre professors laughing at me while eating bananas and wearing scarves and turtlenecks are running through my head.

but ive found this great passion in broadcasting by a total fluke this fall... and i think i need to just go with it. i just hope im making the right decision.

over this break my theatre teacher from high school told me that what makes work in theatre professional isnt the fact that you're making money, but how professional the work you bring to your role is. and so, if im the lady who does community theatre after running around doing journalism-y things all day... i think i can be happy with that. so long as im doing it.

i only wish that i will still get the opportunity to work in the jmu theatre as an actor before i graduate. because we really do have such a great program and such amazing people who i would love to work with besides in the classroom.

i think im making the right decision by becoming a minor. because then i can focus on taking the theatre classes i want instead of busting my ass at 20 credits per semester to fulfill the requirements for 2 majors. i just wish i didnt care about what i think people who i am not even friends with will think of me (because i know my friends wont care) (and those people who arent my friends probably wont care at all anyway).

ugh why do i care so much?!

/rant/lifestory/sorry this post wasn't of my usual "trying to be funny" genre

p.s. i got into smad!!! hence the debating over the to major or not to major thing

my last post was on valentine's day

Which pretty much explains how sad my life was at that point. But over the course of the next 3 weeks... EVERYTHING has changed.

Courses killed me and then consequently had their asses kicked.

And now I am on SPRING BREAK.

But I'm ready to go back to school. Like now.

But I don't want to study.

P.S. I got into SMAD.... so now it's major decision timezz...

(notice the pun there)

I'm trying to decide whether to keep my double major or drop theatre to a minor.

Weigh in, if you'd like.

blindfold bliss? or that time i almost died.

this post is LONG overdue, but i've been totes busy. i actually started writing it a while ago....

when we did this blindfolded exercise in my acting class.

so the rules:

1. no talking.

2. you can take your partner anywhere. ever.

3. don't die.

So the wonderful Jeremy Tuohy led me around Forbes for 20 minutes.

Let me preface this with

A) Forbes is a new building that I have not completely explored.

B) I am afraid of heights when i cant hold on to something. or when im scared that the ground can't support me.

This is where Jeremy took me.

I know what you're thinking." Amanda, this is the mainstage at Forbes. This is not worth a blog post. Or my precious time."

OH WAIT. HE TOOK ME ON THE TENSION GRID. It's too high up to be seen in that photo.

Here's another example of a different theatre:

that steel grid thing that looks like mesh? yeah, that's it.

For anyone who doesn't know what a tension grid is, it's where lights are hung over the stage. Instead of getting on ladders to position the instruments, you can walk on this mesh-like (but way stronger, thank GOD) surface and attach them to the battens.

Let me just tell you, IT IS SCARY WHEN YOU ALSO CAN'T SEE.

HOWEVER,

point of this post:

I'm glad he made me go on the tension grid. It's something I've been too afraid to do. And I probably never would have done it.

And I learned A LOT about trust through that. I now trust Jeremy with my life. God help me.

P.S. Happy Valentime's Day everyone :)

Michelle Melton is an angel and I love JMU

First of all, happy 2011 everyoneee.


Since returning to JMU, I have since moved into my new, beautiful room in Chesapeake Hall.

Michelle and I basically have a sleepover every night. It's perfect. Not to mention the difference in how big/nice/accessible the rooms in Chesapeake are compared to Oak:

A dramatization of my old room

And a dramatization of my new one.

Happiness all around.